Day 2

So, you know what, there is something about posting your intentions online that helps turn them from idea to reality. Yesterday I went home at 2:30 (yeehaw!) and fiddled around the house and then took a nap with my cats and dog. Go ahead, judge away. I'm childless and have very few responsibilities so I napped for 2.5 hours on a Wednesday afternoon. I live in the lap of luxury, for real, y'all. While I napped it rained, and not a little bit. It poured. When I woke up it was drizzling, but I knew I had to run or risk letting all of my Facebook friends down. So I pulled on a hat, leashed up Stella, popped in my headphones and stepped outside. It wasn't raining  anymore, but it sure was steamy. Stella and I plodded along for a slowwwww mile, but I ran the whole way and feel good about that. Today, will be more of the same, sans nap.

I mentioned a a couple of posts back that Michael and I have been trying to start our family. We are teetering on the edge of going live with our adoption, just waiting on our home study report to be written and approved, which I hope will be done in the next 10ish days. We are also waiting on our Dear Birth Mother letter proof to be approved so we can send it to the printer. We hope to be live by July! We are also trying to have a biological child, which is proving to be almost as daunting as the adoption process. We are in a season in our lives where we have very little control over something that we want very badly. We are both forever in search of positive distractions, Michael has approximately 1 million yard projects and recently bought a broken riding lawn mower off of craigslist for $25, taught himself small motor repair, and got it up and running, I'm super impressed with his skillz! He convinced me to race him since we temporarily have 2 riding lawn mowers in our possession.  I lost, but mostly because this was my first time ever driving a riding mower. And also because throttles. 

I read and cook and do the occasional craft project, but I don't have any major hobbies or projects that I can use as an outlet for the frustration and disappointment that have accompanied out attempts to grow our family. I'm hoping that running will be the perfect distraction from the emotional roller coaster we are on. 

Run Streak

Hi, my name is Lauren and I am a flake. I am terrible at being consistent and following through with what I say i'm going to do. I am like this with all things, but most especially when it comes to exercise. I want to get back into running, but I also want to avoid all of the pain and discomfort that comes with getting back into running. P.S. it doesn't work like that.

Last week I went on a 3 mile trail walk. I intended to run as much as possible, that that ended up being less than 10 minutes total. I recognize that if I want to run better I need to run more and more importantly, I need to run consistently. Monday (Memorial Day) my dear sweet run loving friend, Catherine, sent me a text asking if I was going to the weekly Monday night group run. I lied and said I was out of town-I am a champion I tell you. As an attempt to kick my ass into gear I told her that I was thinking of challenging myself to a run streak (running at least one mile every day) from Memorial Day to July 4. She said she would join me and all of the good intentions were in place. Well, shocker, I didn't run Monday, I figured I could just as easily streak from Tuesday after Memorial Day to July 5. But, as you recall, my name is Lauren and I am a serial liar flake. I did not run yesterday.  I had to confess my sins to Catherine when she checked in with me yesterday. Being the kind, patient, forgiving human being that she is she agreed I could try again today and suggested posting something to social media to keep me accountable. So here I am. Announcing on social media that I am going to run at least one mile today. And tomorrow. and the next day until July 6. Even though it's hot. Even though I'm slow. Even though I will probably have to walk a bit of each mile. Even though I am a flake, the run streak starts today. damnit!

Admire Your Own

The name of this blog is something that I've mentioned briefly in the past, but I think it is worth revisiting. I often remind Michael (and myself) that comparison is the thief of joy. To that end, I often try to redirect my thoughts when I find myself feeling envious of what others have, or feeling like what we have isn't enough.
1-2 years ago it seemed like all of my very close girlfriends were announcing pregnancies, I was genuinely excited for them and not one bit jealous. Michael and I were on a different path, he was living two hours away and going back to school full time, we were living on one income in two different households. Pregnancy was not on our minds, we were focused on learning to navigate the first year of marriage without living together, learning to prioritize communication because phone calls, text messages and Facetime were they only ways we got to connect some weeks. We knew we wanted children, but we weren't there yet.
If I may toot my own horn for a second, although long distance marriage was hard, and frustrating and sometimes sad, we rocked it. I mean seriously, our marriage is so much stronger and we are so much happier as a couple than we were before Michael moved. Living apart was great perspective, we put aside a lot of small stuff in the name of enjoying the little time we had together, we learned to communicate like champs because we had to, and we made some big, tough decisions as Team Butzen-not Lauren and Michael. I hope our season of long distance marriage is over, but I sure am grateful for it.
After we hit our stride and Michael was settling into the second (and final) year of nursing school in Augusta we decided we were ready to start thinking about growing our family. I stopped taking birth control in June of last year knowing that if I got pregnant at any point after that Michael would either be about to graduate or recently graduated. We were pumped! For 11 months I tracked my cycle and ovulation and we tried our best to make things happen despite living apart. According to my calculations, we missed our prime time window to conceive during 3 months (or less) of that entire 11 month time frame. I felt like we were doing everything right, hitting the right times, keeping track of everything on my end, but after a year nothing had happened.
We attended baby showers and one year old birthday parties for our friends and while it crushed me on the inside I kept reminding myself that we were on our own path, we had to admire the things that we did have-Michael graduated, we were living together, our time was coming, we just had to keep the faith.

Whole30, Trying Again

January 5 Michael and I started our first Whole30 adventure. I made a meal plan for the month, prepped food like crazy and jumped in. I LOVED it, I felt amazing, had so much energy, slept like a rock, and lost weight. Michael also loved it! He realized he was super addicted to sugar, did a lot of emotional eating and healed his gut in amazing ways. But, my dirty little secret is that on about day 12 I cheated and had alcohol, and then I drank again on about day 18. After that, I pretty much quit Whole30. Since then I have been eating everything in sight, pizza, fast food, beer, wine, the list goes on. And to be quite honest, as I sit here writing this, I feel like complete crap.
I woke up with a huge zit on my chin this morning, I can't tell you the last time that happened. My stomach hurts, I'm bloated, my face is fat, and something has to change. My New Years resolution was to lose 30 pounds by June 1,  I need to get serious about my diet and exercise if I have a chance in hell of meeting that goal.
My birthday has come and gone, I have had more than my fair share or indulgences, and starting tomorrow I am embarking on my first, full Whole30 adventure. It is easy to focus on all the things that I am giving up, but I am going to try to focus on how horrible all of those foods make me feel, and how good Whole30 makes me feel. That should be motivation enough to stay on track, but for some insane reason it is not enough of a deterrent to keep me away from foods I know I shouldn't eat. Here's to taking it one meal at a time.

The Last Four Daily Non-Negotiables

In an effort to avoid creating one way too long blog entry, I have broken this list in to two. Here are my last four things I do every day or close to it to keep me happy.

5. Set Myself Up for Success Tomorrow

To be fair, this is partially because I am lazy, and love to sleep as long as possible in the morning. It is also because if I don’t prep for tomorrow today I know that I will be making some questionable food and exercise choices. Every weeknight I make my breakfast and coffee, pack my lunch, un pack and re pack my gym bag, and pick out my clothes for tomorrow. This way there is minimal thinking and time required in the morning and I know I have everything I need to have a healthy day. One weekend nights I will often prep everything for coffee the night before to make things quick and easy in the morning.

6. Read

Whether it is blog posts or books I feel more centered when I take some time to read for pleasure each day. Sometimes in the morning, at my desk, with my coffee, I click through some of my favorite blogs. Other days I read a chapter or two at night before bed. Reading is a simple, quiet, hobby I love. Michael and I also read to each other. We are currently reading Harry Potter and The Sorcerer’s Stone, with hopes of reading the whole series, but it is slow going since our time together is limited.

7. Enjoy the Pets

We have two cats and a dog who are incredibly snuggly and sweet. Sometimes I have to remind myself that I get to live with these loving, cuddly, adoring animals and I should take more advantage of that. Calling the cats out of their hiding places and scratching their bellies makes their day and mine. Playing fetch and walking Stella are treats, not chores. Loving on them makes me happy and I always think about how therapy dogs and cats must help lift the spirits of the sick or elderly so much. I am young and healthy and it can totally change my mood.

8. Spend Time With Michael

On days when he is working a long shift and I am on the soccer field late it is easy to miss each other’s calls or have short conversations that aren’t very whole hearted or meaningful. I try to send him a sweet text, remember to have a longer conversation even when I am ready to get off of the phone, or leave him a voicemail. He is my gravity, he keeps me sane and centered, and even though spending time together is tricky when we are apart it is still so important to our hearts, minds, and marriage.

                                                         

Four of My Daily Non-Negoatiables

In an effort to clean up my act and get back in a routine of healthy eating and exercise I have been putting some thoughts into what things I do every day that helps keep The Lauren Brain ticking. I came up with six daily non-negotiables, things I do every day without thinking, I rarely skip them and regret it when I do. In no particular order…

1.  Be positive and spend time with positive people

This time last year I had really embraced my inner Bright Side Bitch and was putting a lot of effort in to reframing negative thoughts with positive ones. I still do this, but a reminder to keep positivity on the front burner never hurts. Additionally, I try to give a wide berth to negative or dramatic people and situations. I have a co-worker who gets so bent out of shape when schedules do not go as planned, details slip through the cracks, and things are not as organized as they could be. Don’t get me wrong, I think those things are irritating, but we work in a small, poorly managed, division of local government, and we work with a lot of strong personalities. I try to keep my head down and let all of the irritation roll off of my back. It is small potatoes. I come to work, get the things I can control done, get my lunchtime run on, get out the door at 5:00pm. Getting wrapped up in negative thinking and chatter is not something I devote any thought or energy to.

2.  Saying “No” to Stress

I also try to focus on the things I can control. Anger and negativity are no fun to be in or around. A couple of weeks ago my hard drive at work crashed and I lost everything I’d done professionally for the last 3 years. Frustrating-yes. Out of my control-yes. (Well, sort of, I’m not so bright for not backing anything up, but that ship has sailed). Small potatoes-also yes.

3.Morning Coffee

Morning coffee is the warm (or cold, depending on the season) treat that I look forward to each day. I love the ritual of making and drinking coffee on the weekends, I love choosing my favorite real or travel mug to use for the day. And I love what I think is pretty much a placebo affect from sipping it. (I know coffee is caffeine and caffeine gives you that get up and go feeling, but when I miss a day I don’t get a headache, so it is safe to say I don’t neeeeed coffee as much as I like it).

4.Move-it Move-it

Whether it is taking Stella to the park or on a walk, Running Club, lifting or a hike I feel so much better when I intentionally move during the day. Insanely better, happier, less staby, more grateful the list goes on. Movement makes me a better Lauren. Running specifically makes me a much better Lauren, Bishop Park Running Club is helping me get back on that horse.

Bishop Park Running Club

After hemming and hawing for a long time about whether or not it was too weird/gross/inappropriate to use the shower in the girls bathroom in the gymnastics gym downstairs Ben and I decided to go for it. We cleaned up the least scary looking shower stall downstairs, I brought in shampoo, deodorant, and a hair dryer took over a locker and the rest is history! We started the Bishop Park Running Club! It is not much of a club, it is open to anyone who wants to run with us (which so far is no one). We leave from the park at noon every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. We don’t even run together, we just start together, he is smoking fast and I am just trying to go 3 miles and walk as little as possible. We have been going strong for 3 weeks and I have only missed one run!

I love it! It gets me out the door and gets my run out of the way. It is also a great time of day to go, warm enough by noon, and an awesome way to break up the day. Showering in the locker room downstairs is not really as weird or gross as I originally thought-though my threshold for weird and gross are admittedly pretty high.

I hope to continue running club through the winter and spring, until summer camp wreaks havoc on our schedules…

Long Live Bishop Park Running Club!